My summer goals on writing each week have not been successful. My mother’s husband had surgery and he is my mother’s caretaker. She is in the last and final stage of Alzheimer’s. This is perhaps the worst stage yet. It could last months or it could last years.
With my stepfather’s recovery, my sisters and my step-siblings all had to pitch in to help out. It took a lot more mental and physical work than I had thought. At times, I felt thankful that I am a teacher and have the summer off so that I could help out more. However, there were other times that I felt overwhelmed and pissed off that this is happening to my mother. Life can be so unfair and cruel. It took my beautiful mother who had such spunk and left her as a shockingly old woman who needs help laying down, going to the bathroom, eating, and who doesn’t know her own daughters.
I foolishly thought that when she is sleeping or at nighttime, I would write. Quickly, I realized that I could not do it. My mind and my body just needed to rest. At first I was mad at myself for not following through on my goals.
After a few days of negative talk to myself and taking care of my mother, I came to the realization that it is ok to change your goals. Life gets in the way sometimes. We do what we have to do and that is that. Sometimes you have the time to follow through with what you want to do in life and sometimes you have to push pause and get back to what you want to do when you have the time and the mental energy to do so.